Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.

You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.

Your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

Your family tree has no forks.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit"was snubbed for best picture.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

You use a weedeater in your living room.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

Ten ways to tell if a redneck has been working on your computer

1. The monitor is up on blocks.

2. Outgoing faxes have chewing tobacco stains on them.

3. The six front keys have rotted out.

4. The extra RAM slots have dodge truck parts stored in them.

5. The numeric key pad goes up to six.

6. The password is Bubba.

7. There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.

8. There is a Skol can in the CD ROM drive.

9. The keyboard is painted camouflage.

10. The mouse is referred to as a "Critter".

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